information and disclaimers in part one =20
Title: Dreams? 8/11
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Angel let Cassandra answer the doorbell when someone rang it just before =
twilight. Cassandra was closer to the door anyway. Willow was at =
Giles' apartment, helping with research, and the vampire had decided to =
read the journal that Willow had used to bind his soul to him. He found =
it fascinating reading. The sorcerer was a good writer, and his anguish =
over his daughter came through clearly.
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Cassandra was a little startled to see Buffy standing outside the door. =
The Slayer was wearing patrol clothes, her long hair back in single =
braid. She looked a little uncomfortable -- on edge. =20
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Buffy spoke nervously, fingers tugging the end of braid repeatedly. "Um, =
are Willow and Angel here? I kind of need to talk to them." She had =
come straight here from her mother's house. The Slayer had been afraid =
that she would lose her nerve if she stopped to see Giles first.
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"Willow went out, but Angel's here." Cassandra didn't ask what the =
young wanted to talk about. Buffy didn't seem to intend flirtation, and =
her actions a few days ago suggested her anger had abated. <Best to keep =
my nose out of this situation. The Slayer seems calm enough. > The =
Immortal's student and Angel could handle it. =20
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"Angel, Buffy is here and wants to talk to you. I've got to some =
errands to run; I'll be back in a few hours." With that Cassandra =
grabbed the light coat that carrying a sword forced her to wear even in =
hot weather and walked out to her car. She'd caught a few hints that =
there was another Immortal in the area and being unprepared was a =
decidedly bad idea.
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The vampire looked up from his reading with a startled look in his dark =
eyes. He watched Cassandra leave with a slightly accusatory look on his =
face. Buffy entered the room with an uncharacteristically hesitant =
bearing. Her normal Slayer confidence seemed to have abandoned her for =
the time being. Angel didn't move from the couch as the blond moved to =
stand in front of him, although he did set aside the thick computer =
printout, marking where he'd been interrupted. She paused for a second, =
obviously unsure what she should do next. Finally, she pulled Willow's =
chair away from the computer desk and sat.
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Realizing that Angel wasn't going to do anything to make this easier for =
her, Buffy took a deep breath and launched into speech, words rapidly =
tumbling out one after another. She kept her eyes focused on the floor. =
"Um, I just wanted to see you and Willow to tell you that I'm sorry =
I've been such a jerk. My feelings were hurt, and I acted like a kid =
whose favorite toy was taken away." She paused, swallowing hard. "I was =
upset that Willow wasn't the same as in high school. I wanted her to =
stay the same . . . be predictable. I wanted her to be my best friend, =
whether or not that was what she wanted. And I ignored that you didn't =
want to be more than friends because I didn't want to accept that your =
feelings had changed." The slayer looked up from the floor, facing =
Angel. "You two were a lot of what got me though adjusting to being the =
Chosen One. I don't handle change very well, and I didn't want to let =
go. I'm sorry."
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Angel was briefly tempted to push Buffy out the door, make her suffer =
more than she already had for the stress the young woman had put Willow =
through. He quickly stifled that uncharitable and immature thought. <It =
would hurt Willow. I can't even blame that one on Angelus. > "Apology =
accepted." His voice was sincere, and he even smiled a little. Buffy =
visibly relaxed.
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"Thank you, Angel. I would have understood if you weren't ready to =
forgive me." She glanced over at the computer. "I was hoping to talk to =
Willow too . . . I can't expect us to become best buds again, but I want =
to be friends. Do you think she'll let me get to know the new her? I've =
been forcibly ignoring that there was a new Willow." She looked at Angel =
with a slightly plaintive look.
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"Willow's a forgiving person." He smiled. "That hasn't changed. She =
always understood why you were upset anyway." <And was much more =
tolerant of it than me. >
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Buffy's face was covered by a rueful smile. "Can I ask you a question?"
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"Sure," Angel wanted to be civil with the Slayer; Willow would prefer it =
if there wasn't any extra division between herself and her old friends. =
The other changes in the young witch's life were enough. =20
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"If you don't what to answer, that's fine, but how long have you been in =
love with Willow?" Her voice was neither angry nor hurt, although it was =
a tiny bit envious. Buffy had realized, sitting across from the =
vampire, that she had finally gotten over him. Talking to him and not =
seeing any love in his eyes no longer hurt. Finally she had let go. Now =
she was simply curious.
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Angel looked at Buffy in shock. After a moment it settled in that she =
wasn't the least bit angry. Then he realized that his shock wasn't over =
the fact that Buffy thought he was in love with Willow, or that she had =
asked about it. He couldn't brush the question off . . . because he WAS =
in love with Willow . . . his best friend. Memories of their year and a =
half of friendship flooded his mind. How ardently he had missed her =
when he'd gone to LA to find redemption and distance from a stubborn =
Buffy. He clearly remembered his intense fear for her safety when he =
learned of the dreams. Angel wasn't sure when his affection for the =
slender redhead had deepened into love. <You idiot vampire! She can't =
possibly feel that way about you! > He had a sudden urge to ram his =
head against the wall.
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Buffy looked at the shocked and zoned look on Angel's face with some =
concern. He didn't even seem aware that she was still here. "Uh, =
Angel, are you okay?"
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Angel snapped back to reality, still mentally kicking himself. "I'm not =
sure when it happened. It was so gradual . . .. I didn't even let =
myself realize how I felt until you asked me."
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Buffy realized he needed some time to himself. Willow probably wouldn't =
be out much longer, and Angel clearly wanted time to think. "It's =
almost dark now; I need to go patrol." She got up and strode to the =
door. She turned before leaving. "I hope every thing works out for you. =
Please tell Willow I came by and that I'm going to call her. Angel =
nodded absently in reply, eyes distant. The Slayer let herself out the =
door and headed for the graveyard. =20
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Angel stayed seated as she walked out; he collapsed against the couch =
back, letting his head fall back to rest along the top edge and stared =
at the ceiling. Images of Willow continued to bombard his mind. Angel =
began to have a strong urge to cry or scream. He loved her, but it =
would never work. <I'm still a vampire. She's a wonderful girl and =
deserves far better than me, > he told himself firmly. Finally, his =
thoughts drove him off the couch and into nervous motion. He stalked to =
the door, turning out the lights as he went. Angel walked out the door =
into the night, hoping that a long walk would help him restore some =
order to his thoughts -- before Willow got home.
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Willow scooped the last of her sundae out of the bowl then dropped the =
dish into Giles' sink. Xander had arrived bearing gifts of food to make =
the research go faster. Anya and Giles had left just a little while ago =
to replace some magic supplies that turned out to be necessary, and the =
two friends had stayed behind to straighten up and finish off the ice =
cream. Actually, Xander had eaten most of the ice cream while Willow =
put books away. The young witch was beginning to suspect that Xander =
had gotten Anya to get Giles out of the house deliberately. The young =
man obviously wanted to say something but wasn't sure how to say it. He =
was distinctly jumpy.
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"Ok, Xander, we've finished every last drop of sugar, so spill," the =
redhead demanded. She sat down on the couch and looked at him =
expectantly. <Something is bothering him, and we're going to get it out =
into the open. Now. > "Is this about Angel?" It had been a couple of =
days since they had destroyed Angelus; Willow worried that Xander was =
having second thoughts about accepting Angel.
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Xander flushed and ducked his head. He had been hard on Angel for a =
long time. No wonder Will thought he wanted to complain some more. "No =
it's not about Deadb. . .," Xander quickly corrected himself, "Angel. I =
can see that he is a good friend to you. I'm not happy that you hid the =
fact that you guys were friends, but I understand why you did." He =
paused, "I actually wanted to apologize."
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"Apologize? For what?" Willow was clearly confused.
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A bit embarrassed, Xander quickly continued. "Um, for following you and =
for eavesdropping that first day you were training with Cassandra."
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Surprised, Willow yelled. "You what! How much did you hear?!" She jumped =
off the couch and glared at him.
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"Pretty much everything. Including the little trip to Hell you =
neglected to mention." He shot her a mildly reproachful look then his =
face softened. "It explained a lot, like how you and Angel got so close, =
and how you trusted him so quickly after that whole 'been in Hell for =
three hundred years' thing."
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Willow gaped, speechless. She flopped back onto the seat.
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"I just didn't want anymore leftover secrets hanging between us. We've =
been friends too long for that."
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Willow managed to gather her wits. "You aren't mad? Are you going to =
tell Buffy?" Her voice rose on the second question.
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"No on both counts. I've gotten over it, and it's old news so I don't =
see why Buffy would need to know." <Plus, she's calm now. A calm Slayer =
is a good Slayer. >
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At that point Giles and Anya returned. The former demoness looked at =
Xander pointedly, clearly wanting to know if he'd gotten the chance to =
talk to his childhood friend that he had needed. He nodded, and she =
smiled. Willow didn't notice the exchange. Giles noticed, but he =
decided it wasn't any of his business.
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Noticing that it had been dark for awhile, Willow stood up. "I need to =
get going; there's some e-mail I need to take care of before it gets too =
late." She hugged Xander, smiled at the others, and then walked to the =
door.
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"Do you need a ride?" Giles queried. He still regarded her as one of =
his charges and wanted her to be safe.
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"I'll be fine. I can take care of myself now." She smiled again to =
take any bite out of her firm words, then headed out the door. =20
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to be continued . . .
