Chapter Twenty-seven Caitlin tried over the next few days to say what was on her mind, but it never seemed to be the right time. She knew she was being irritable and short tempered and it grated on her nerves. Duncan made it worse by being so charming and loving, and completely ignoring her moodiness, that it made her feel even more guilty for the decision she had come to. Sitting together on the porch one evening after dinner, drinking their coffee, Caitlin was reminded of another night they had sat like this. She remembered she was nervous that evening too and had made some inane remark wanting to sit like this for a hundred years. Duncan had smiled. Now she knew why. The warm evenings of summer had turned into the crisper, clearer nights of early autumn. She noticed the trees had started to show the first signs of color and the days were getting shorter. In some ways it seemed like an eternity since they had first sat like this in companionable silence and in others it seemed like only yesterday. Duncan knew something was weighing heavily on Caitlin's mind the past few days by her the tense behavior. He had tried to be patient and understanding, hoping she would tell him what was bothering her, but it wasn't working. Watching her quietly for a few minutes, he broke the silence by saying. "This reminds of the first time we had dinner together." "I was just thinking the same thing." She said wistfully, and smiled. "You seemed a little preoccupied that evening too." Setting his coffee cup down, he reached across the table and gently clasped Caitlin's hand. "Caitlin I know something's bothering you, just tell me what it is." Pulling her hand free, she rose and stood on the edge of the porch looking up at the moon, feeling just as desolate as its surface was supposed to be. "I'm sorry, I know I've been touchy and I haven't been very good company lately." Rising to stand behind her, Duncan pulled her back against him and wrapped his arms around her. Resting his cheek against hers, he caressed it lightly, as a feeling of apprehension seeped into him. He knew what was coming. He'd felt the change in Caitlin since their walk in the woods, but he'd been trying to deny it. "Just say it Caitlin." He said softly, and kissed her temple, to reassure her. "I'm sure that's true, but it's the first time for me. I've never had to do this before and it's so hard. I, I love you so much Duncan and I don't "want" to hurt you, but, I can't stay with you." She felt his breathing stop momentarily, but she had to go on even though she knew she "was" hurting him. "The one thing I wanted more than anything else when Brad and I were married, what I've always wanted, is a family. Growing up as an only child, listening to my parents constantly arguing, I always wished I had a brother or sister to turn to for comfort. I promised myself that someday, I'd have a houseful of kids I could spoil and shower with love and attention. I had to put those dreams on hold with Brad. I, I, still want that family Duncan. That, and the security of a man I can depend on to be there for us. Someone I can grow old with. I know I thought I had those things with Brad, and it still ended badly, but I would like to try again with someone, someone who's-" "Someone's who's not an Immortal." Duncan said softly, finishing her sentence. "Yes." She said. "I understand Caitlin, I've wanted those things too, but it's not possible for me." Leaning her head back against his shoulder, she squeezed her eyes closed to stem the flow of tears that threatened to flow. "Oh, Duncan, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize how much I wanted those things until the other day when we talked while walking in the woods. I love you so much. You've been so good to me and for me, I thought maybe I could put those feelings aside again, but I can't be as selfless as Tessa, I wish I could, but-" Silently watching her, Duncan knew he had to let her go, as painful as it was, for her sake. Brushing his lips against her cheek, he said lightly, though tears shimmered in his eyes. "Caitlin, I don't expect you to be anyone but who you are. We each have to follow our own path. I'm an Immortal remember?" Forcing a smile he added," I'll have lots of time to get over it."