HIGHLA-L Digest - 6 Jan 2003 to 7 Jan 2003 (#2003-3)
Automatic digest processor (LISTSERV@lists.psu.edu)
Tue, 7 Jan 2003 22:00:01 -0500
There are 14 messages totalling 441 lines in this issue.
Topics of the day:
1. About those bodies... (11)
2. AP vs Connery... (2)
3. Stan on TV Tonite
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Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 10:11:38 -0500
From: jjswbt@earthlink.net
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
Me:
>>Yes, there would be two issues. 1) explaining to the funeral director
>why you had a two-piece corpse in the trunk of your car and 2) keeping him
>from calling the cops. I prefer to keep my explanations as real world as
>possible so as not to drag myself out of the story. The "stupid cop"
>assumption always grated ..to add stupid/unscrupulous funeral directors to
>it makes it grate more.>>>
Nina:
>I don't see it that way. Why would the Immies _need_ to lie to or bribe
>funeral directors? I really doubt BH'd bodies would cause much of a stir
>at the mortuary; it's got to be pretty tough to ick out a mortician (though I
>for one learned the hard way not to have my nightly ice cream fix during
>CSI).
It's not the "ick" factor..I suspect that a two-piece body is nicer to handle than a burned one, for instance. It's the fact that most funeral home patrons don't show up with the body in tow. ..especially not bodies that are hacked into several parts. Most bodies get picked up at hospitals, nursing homes, accidents (sometimes), police morgues, and, occasionally, from private homes. If Duncan walked into a funeral home with Amanda in a bag, the funeral home is going to ask questions. Lots of questions.
>And, if they do become suspicious--so what? They aren't likely to
>refuse to take Duncan's money just because he's such a good customer.
I'm not so sure. Are there no scrupulous morticians out there? <g>Would most morticians just take the cash and the multiple body bags and just do the job?
> All
>they can do is chat w/ the cops about the peculiar state of his
>drop-offs--which common sense & surely the laws in most countries about
>reporting violent deaths would have them doing anyway. So, we're just back
>to the "deeply stupid cops" thing.
But that's my problem <g>. I disliked the stupid cops answer and so didn't want to add stupid morticians to it.
Another thought on Marina's idea of simply claiming the body from the police. It would first require that the police be involved to collect the body. OK..an anonymous phone call could handle that. Then there is the problem that in many places, bodies are *not* released until crimes are solved. The police got "burned" enough times for releasing bodies and then discovering that they needed them for additional evidence that they quit handing them over. One might have to wait a long time to recover and bury your bifurcated lover.
No...I think they should bury them themselves . Duncan's island would be a nice place...it's even holy ground. He could sell plots of other Immortals!
>But, then, the Immies failed to notice all those loitering Watchers for
>centuries....
This doesn't bother me too much. In the first place, the Immortals wouldn't be looking for shadows, they are more concerned about guys who ring their internal; bells. Second, if the Watchers were even marginally clever, they rotated Watchers so that the same guy didn't follow an Immortal for decades.Or if they did, it was in situations where having the same guys around wouldn't attract attention- ie: shipmates, fellow soldiers, the shop owner down the block, etc.
Liser:
>I think I read a fic once where it (disposing of bodies) was actually
>part of the duty of any given Watcher.
Pah! Fanfic! Full of ridiculous ideas, like Immortals that don't create a "Buzz", female Immortals that are both beautiful and deadly, pregnant Immortals who gestate in weeks, and red fog that contains a French dwarf with a speech impediment. (No ..wait..that last one was a real script)
>That is, Duncan's Watcher had
>>to dig a hole 6 feet deep before he filed his report for the night.
Poor Joe! That would have been tough on a guy with no legs whose Immortal kills someone ever few days.
>It's an interesting notion--and certainly puts a different spin on
>the concept of Watchers--but I think it's inherently flawed by the
>supposition that the immortals never wonder what happens to the
>bodies.
Maybe Immortals are as stupid as Paris policemen?
Wendy(Does anyone even write HL fanfic anymore?)(Besides slash, of course.)(Does anyone even write HL slash any more?)
Fairy Killer
jjswbt@earthlink.net
http://home.earthlink.net/~jjswbt/index.html
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 17:29:50 +0200
From: Marina Bailey <tmar@sifl.iid.co.za>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
>Pah! Fanfic! Full of ridiculous ideas, like Immortals that don't create
>a "Buzz", female Immortals that are both beautiful and deadly, pregnant
>Immortals who gestate in weeks, and red fog that contains a French dwarf
>with a speech impediment. (No ..wait..that last one was a real script)
Wasn't one of those ridiculous ideas yours, Wendy? I remember reading
this story... :)
>(Does anyone even write HL fanfic anymore?)(Besides slash, of course.)
>(Does anyone even write HL slash any more?)
Very little has come down on HLFIC-L for a couple of years. (Of
course, I'm only subbed to ADULT and DISCUSS.) (Who knows, maybe
all the fiction writers are off on their own specific lists.) (I
don't like specific lists.) (Everybody always agrees with each
other.) (No fun in that.)
- Marina.
\\ "I think somewhere on the road to reality, ||>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> //
// you took a left turn." - Nowhere Man || R I C H I E >> \\
\\====Marina Bailey====tmar@sifl.iid.co.za====||>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> //
//===Chief Flag Waver and Defender of Richie==|| \\
"It's Lord of the Flies in there!" - Josh; 'The West Wing'; about
the forum on his fansite.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 11:12:02 -0600
From: Vicki Farmer <vickita1961@netscape.net>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
jjswbt@EARTHLINK.NET wrote:
> No...I think they should bury them themselves . Duncan's island
> would be a nice place...it's even holy ground. He could sell
> plots of other Immortals!
Well, there you go. You don't need Watcher morticians -- you need an
Immortal mortician. Dang, the guy could (you should pardon the
expression) clean up!
V.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 12:46:22 -0500
From: Sandy Fields <diamonique@comcast.net>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
At 10:11 AM 01/07/2003 -0500, jjswbt@EARTHLINK.NET wrote:
>Pah! Fanfic! Full of ridiculous ideas, like Immortals that don't create a
>"Buzz", female Immortals that are both beautiful and deadly, pregnant
>Immortals who gestate in weeks, and red fog that contains a French dwarf
>with a speech impediment. (No ..wait..that last one was a real script)
<snip>
>Poor Joe! That would have been tough on a guy with no legs whose Immortal
>kills someone ever few days.
ROFL!! I should have learned a long time ago not to read highla-l email at
work. Thanks for that one, Wendy! :-)
-- Sandy (wiping Pepsi off the monitor)
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 19:35:36 -0000
From: Jette Goldie <jette@blueyonder.co.uk>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
>
> > I think the watchers who owned a funeral parlor here and there. They
need to
> >earn money.. Joe owned the book store then the bar.
>
> I agree it's possible the watchers owned funeral parlors. That may be
how
> Duncan got Darius creamated.
Duncan didn't *know* the Watchers when Darius was killed - and
those he did know ...... well, do you really think Duncan would
have asked Horton to arrange the funeral of a dear friend?
>
> That doesn't solve the problem in most cases. Until very recently the
> watchers were a secret organization. What did Duncan do before he met
> Joe? How did John deal with Rebecca's remains?
Perhaps some Immortals own funeral parlors?
Jette
(aka Vinyaduriel)
"Work for Peace and remain fiercely loving" - Jim Byrnes
jette@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://bosslady.tripod.com/fanfic.html
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 19:42:26 -0000
From: Jette Goldie <jette@blueyonder.co.uk>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
>
> It's not the "ick" factor..I suspect that a two-piece body is nicer to
handle than a burned one, for instance. It's the fact that most funeral home
patrons don't show up with the body in tow. ..especially not bodies that are
hacked into several parts. Most bodies get picked up at hospitals, nursing
homes, accidents (sometimes), police morgues, and, occasionally, from
private homes. If Duncan walked into a funeral home with Amanda in a bag,
the funeral home is going to ask questions. Lots of questions.
>
> >And, if they do become suspicious--so what? They aren't likely to
> >refuse to take Duncan's money just because he's such a good customer.
>
> I'm not so sure. Are there no scrupulous morticians out there? <g>Would
most morticians just take the cash and the multiple body bags and just do
the job?
I do know that in the UK a funeral director needs to have
the official death certificate from the hospital or the
doctor - or in cases of *suspicious death*, from the
Inquest - before he can actually arrange the funeral.
Jette
(aka Vinyaduriel)
"Work for Peace and remain fiercely loving" - Jim Byrnes
jette@blueyonder.co.uk
http://www.jette.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://bosslady.tripod.com/fanfic.html
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 17:24:13 -0500
From: Elaine Nicol <ElaineN@compuserve.com>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
>> Perhaps some Immortals own funeral parlors? <<
Now if any line ever screamed fan-fic....
Elaine.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 17:24:12 -0500
From: Elaine Nicol <ElaineN@compuserve.com>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
>> I do know that in the UK a funeral director needs to have
the official death certificate from the hospital or the
doctor - or in cases of *suspicious death*, from the
Inquest - before he can actually arrange the funeral. <<
And for cremation they need a special certificate.
Elaine.
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 15:07:43 -0800
From: toujoursen bluejeans <toujoursenbluejeans@juno.com>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
Jette says:
>Perhaps some Immortals own funeral parlors?
That's what I was thinking - on Holy Ground of course, unless there's a
rule we never heard about - "Thou Shalt Not Whack The Immie Funeral
Director".
Of course this still doesn't explain how they knew which funeral parlor
to call - a code word in the Yellow Pages ad perhaps? or a laminated
wallet sized card with contact information for worldwide locations?
Dawn
(re-lurking)
________________________________________________________________
Sign Up for Juno Platinum Internet Access Today
Only $9.95 per month!
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------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 18:21:22 -0500
From: Bizarro7@aol.com
Subject: AP vs Connery...
Someone on the HolyGround Forum just re-discovered this site. I've always found it intriguing:
http://www.geocities.com:0080/Hollywood/Academy/3076/sva.htm
Enjoy.
Leah
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 19:49:15 -0500
From: SenseiRob@aol.com
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
Jette says:
>Perhaps some Immortals own funeral parlors?
And every once in a while....
"He looks so peaceful in there. And so lonely. ::whack:: ::thud:: ::thud:: ::zap:: And I won't even charge you for the two-for-one burial."
But you don't need anything quite so elaborate as fake burial records, funeral parlors, etc. Make friends with Willie, the local grave digger -- give him a few bucks, a bottle of Glenwhazzit, and nobody'll know that, six inches under the coffin that just got that fancy funeral, there happens to lie a partially disassembled co-occupant.
Make midnight visits to the local rending and/or Jell-O plant and make a contribution to the vat. Or you can add a step, and toss the body in with the dead critters from the animal shelter... the back of the truck where the road crews put the road-kill in... or with the leftover parts in a slaughterhouse. That stuff doesn't end up in a landfill, y'know. Parts is parts.
More alternatives: slip them inside barrels marked "Toxic Waste" or "Nuclear Containment". "Accidentally" encourage the local Hannibal Lecter type, or necrophiliac, to clean up behind you. Dress your opponents in overalls and let them "nap" under a thresher. Put stones in their shorts, add a few extra vent holes in your victim if you didn't during the battle, and visit local swamps, bogs, convenient bodies of water. Museum curators have those neat bugs that'll gobble up flesh, there are chemicals that'll dissolve bodies, spontaneous human combustion research has shown us that slow fires can completely devour human remains so you don't need access to elaborate incinerators - and I'm sure the old standby, the Hefty bag in the dumpster, works pretty well, too.
Or heck, make sure the local municipality has the death sentence (but not beheadings!), and, if you're THAT lazy, stash the bodies on your property. If they catch you, confess, and shoot for the death penalty. Escape from the morgue, and move on.
It would have been much easier for the bodies to disintegrate after immortals were shortened, with the years catching up with them ( vampire movie-ish ) or even just burned up by the release of the Quickening... but the movie came first, and that realistically deals with the fact that cops WILL find and investigate headless bodies left lying in back alleys or parking garages. Well, at least in New York City. Maybe Duncan specifically moved to Paris and Seacouver because of the (lack of) quality of the police there...? But that's Wendy's dilemma, huh?
-Rob (Not so hard to make the evil K'-body disappear)
SenseiRob@aol.com
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 20:23:53 -0500
From: Sandy Fields <diamonique@comcast.net>
Subject: Stan on TV Tonite
Catch a repeat of HOMESONG (TV movie starring Stan, Polly Draper, and Lee
Horsley) tonight at 9pm on Lifetime.
-- Sandy
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 15:42:06 -1000
From: MacWestie <mac.westie@verizon.net>
Subject: Re: About those bodies...
Wendy--
> >>If Duncan walked into a funeral home with Amanda in a bag, the funeral
home is going to ask questions. Lots of questions.>>>
True. So, Duncan tells a little white lie--there was a sale at Saks, & she
lost her head.
>>> I'm not so sure. Are there no scrupulous morticians out there? <g>Would
most morticians just take the cash and the multiple body bags and just do
the job?>>>
My point is that there's no need for the morticians to be shady OR stupid.
They would just hit their speed-dial for the cops & report yet another BH'd
corpse brought in by the tall dark hottie, then proceed under the law. The
fact that in the HL universe the cops are dumb &/or lazy is enough to
protect DM & other Immies who know their local morticians by first names.
And, in the HL universe, I really don't see a way around the dumb cop
stereotype.
Jette--
>Perhaps some Immortals own funeral parlors?
Actually, Duncan IS a mortician. He does his own embalming, etc. (Rumor is
that he does it naked, but that's neither here nor there; I'd rather think
he wears the yummy outfits he used to sport at the dojo, perhaps working up
a bit of a sweat....) Death is far more lucrative than antiques, if a bit
messier. His current business is called The Gathering Place Funeral Home,
so any body-parts-toting Immie flipping through the phone book will realize
that it's an Immie-friendly establishment (so that the very dumbest cop
available will be notified about a suspicious death). It's become a rather
large-scale operation lately, & he had to take on help. For awhile there,
he had Richie selling burial plots; I assume he reserved himself a choice
one, cheap. Joe handles customer relations, w/ Amanda's help; he caters
the wakes, & she especially enjoys comforting the bereaved widowers....
Methos stays behind the scenes & handles the beautician side of things;
naturally, one picks up tons of make-up & hair tips in 5,000 years. He
takes great pride in making the victim of the bluntest axe a glowing
candidate for an open casket. You've seen their ads; slogan is "There Can
Be Only One ... choice for all your mortuary needs."
> Wendy(Does anyone even write HL fanfic anymore?)(Besides slash, of
course.)(Does anyone even write HL slash any more?)
No. They're all terrified of my righteous wrath. And I told their mommies.
Nina
mac.westie@verizon.net
Save Farscape/Frell SciFi Channel
http://homepage.mac.com/chryse/Guiding%20Star/Cancelled.html
http://www.farscapeworld.com/helpfarscape.shtml
------------------------------
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 15:43:18 -1000
From: MacWestie <mac.westie@verizon.net>
Subject: Re: AP vs Connery...
> Someone on the HolyGround Forum just re-discovered this site. I've always
found it intriguing:
> http://www.geocities.com:0080/Hollywood/Academy/3076/sva.htm
Fun to recall the origins of the AP photos used there.
Nina (Wasn't the last one a still from the Counterfeit 2 FB where DM came
clean w/ Tessa?)
mac.westie@verizon.net
Save Farscape/Frell SciFi Channel
http://homepage.mac.com/chryse/Guiding%20Star/Cancelled.html
http://www.farscapeworld.com/helpfarscape.shtml
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End of HIGHLA-L Digest - 6 Jan 2003 to 7 Jan 2003 (#2003-3)
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