Date: Wed, 27 Jul 1994 22:32:17 EDT Sender: Forever Knight TV show stories From: SusanG2522@AOL.COM Subject: Live Tuna My . . . . To: Multiple recipients of list FKFIC-L uh--no, actually. I'm not a vampire. But as I'm being challenged, I thought to kill two bats with one stone. Namely as follows: ***** BEHIND EVERY GOOD MAN-- Nick had just pulled the Caddy into his parking place at the station when a shadow stepped from behind the police van beside him, the metal of the raised sword glinting in the moonlight. "I am Duncan MacLeod of the--" "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill," said Nick, not bothering to get out of the car. He waved his hand at the highlander. "What can I do for you?" "Uh--Nick, right?" asked MacLeod, sheathing the sword (he didn't to know where) and moving up to the passenger side of the car. "Have you seen Tessa?" Nick's eyes narrowed thoughtfully and he almost slipped into a flashback, but the question about where that sword got put brought him back to reality. "I thought she was dead." "She is. But, well, you know how it is." Duncan leaned against the car door. "They come and go. You think they're worm food and you're sucking serious face with this gorgeous woman, then you have a flashback or something--" "Tell me about it!" commiserated Nick. "I thought you might have seen something of her." "Nat may have. They were pretty thick. I think she sent flowers to the memorial service." Nick pulled his cellular phone from his coat and tapped on the speed dial. "Grace, this is Nick. Is Nat there?" "No, detective. In fact, she's disappeared last night." "Disappeared?" Nick looked up at Duncan, eyes wide. "She's missing?" "That's what the word usually means." "Right. I'll check into it." He disconnected the call and tucked the phone back into his coat pocket. "You lost yours, too?" asked MacLeod. "In a manner of speaking." Nick tapped the steering wheel for a moment, waiting for two brain cells to get together and form a thought. "Could there be a connection?" MacLeod shrugged. "It's a cop show about a vampire, isn't it?" "Vampire show about a cop," corrected Nick absently. Leaning over, he opened the passenger door and said, "Hop in. We'll cruise the city and see what turns up." "Great!" MacLeod slipped into the seat beside him. "And if we don't find Nat and Tessa, we can always pick up a couple of other girls, right?" "I don't know about--" The thought escaped him, as he glanced in the rearview mirror, then turned in his seat to watch the approaching motorcycle. The rider wasn't wearing a helmet and his expression could only be described as one of abject terror. "Looks like a villain to me," said MacLeod, tapping Nick on the shoulder. "Think we should go after him?" "He's stopping." The motorcycle pulled up beside the Caddy and the man grabbed Nick's leather jacket. "Are you a cop?!" "Actually," began MacLeod, "he's a vampire who's- -" "What's the problem?" asked Nick, in his best 'ignore the idiot beside me' manner, which was pretty damned good by now (he'd gotten a lot of practice since he'd started riding his shift with Schanke). "You gotta save me!" "From what?" asked MacLeod, hand reaching into his long overcoat. Nick looked away--he just want to know-- then wrenched his leather jacket out of the man's grip. "From what?" he echoed. "From ." "Them?" There was no smell of alcohol to the man. He glanced back at Duncan who, thankfully, now had his coat closed. "Them? There's a movie about giant ants called--" "Just put me in jail," pleaded the man, looking fearfully over his shoulder. "I'll be safe there." Nick shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I can't arrest you unless you've committed a crime." The man hesitated and looked over his shoulder again. "How about kidnapping?" he asked, in a whisper. "That's a crime," agreed Duncan. "Usually." Nick simply glared at him, then turned his attention back to the man. "Who did you kidnap?" The man paused and scratched the side of his head. "Well, you see, I had this idea. All these tough guys, these heroes . . . they save the girl every week, you know?" "I have a vague idea," answered MacLeod. "Well, I figure I'd kidnap all the leading ladies." Nick started. "What?" The man ducked his head, as if embarrassed. "They always seem so easy to kidnap, right? So I'd kidnap'em, smuggle 'em all to one spot, and then the heroes would have to do whatever I wanted. Kind of a heroine smuggling ring." MacLeod jumped out of the car and started around the back of the Caddy. "Did you take Tessa?" The man stared at him. "She's dead, isn't she?" "What about Natalie Lambert?" asked Nick. The man turned pale. "You mean Lambert? God, she's one of the worst!" Nick tried to open the car door, but the motorcycle was leaning against it. MacLeod asked, "What do you mean by 'the worst'?" The man shuddered. "I'd never thought about it before," he said shakily. "Who knew? You see these girls get kidnapped and attacked week after week and you figure, hey, how tough can this be? But they never let on they're the ones in charge, that save the heroes' butts every week. Oh, you guys you've got it together, but you'd know different if you saw a room full of them, comparing notes and--" At that several cars, vans, and at least one motor home/camper came screaming around the far corner. The man yelped and gunned the motorcycle, calling, "I'm getting the hell out of here and you would, too, if you knew what was good for you!" MacLeod smiled and leaned against the car, arms folded. "I think I can handle a couple of leading ladies." "Do the words 'Thelma and Louise' mean anything to you?" asked the man. With a last, desperate look over his shoulder, he gunned the engine and roared into the street. Most of the oncoming cars swerved to follow him, horns blaring, but the motor home pulled up a short distance from the Caddy. "Thanks, just drop me off here," called Natalie's voice from inside. The side door of the motor home opened and she walked down to the lower step, then looked up as Nick exited the car. "Nick? And Duncan? What are you doing here?" "Hi, Nat," said Duncan with a wave, although he seemed to be making an attempt at peering in the darkened windows of the motor home. "Nat, what's going on?" asked Nick. He placed his hand on her arm and took a step toward the vehicle, jumping when the horn beeped. "Grace said you disappeared." "Oh--that." She cleared her throat and looked away. "I--uh--just stepped out for a minute, was looking for another serial killer for you to save me from and I ran into some old friends." Natalie grinned up at Nick and squeezed his arm tightly. "Glad you're here. You probably saved my life. Let me just--" She walked back to the door and tapped on it, calling, "Thanks, ladies." "Wait a minute!" called MacLeod, catching the door handle. "Is Tessa in there?" Nat stared at him. "Isn't she dead?" "You never know." He opened the door a little, then glanced at her. "Mind if I check?" Natalie stepped back and shrugged. "Fine by me." MacLeod shrugged his shoulder, setting his jacket in place, then pushed back his ponytail. He opened the door a little more and stepped up into the camper. "Excuse me, ladies, but--ulp!" In a split second, he was hauled bodily into the camper. The door slammed behind him and it sped away, horn beeping. "Bye, girls!" Natalie waved at the retreating vehicle. "Have fun!" Nick stared at her, then at the camper, which was breaking a number of laws, including the local city ordinances and several of physics. "Did they just kidnap Duncan?" "Kidnap?" echoed Natalie innocently, eyes wide. "Nooooo. Wouldn't call it 'kidnapping. You didn't hear him, complaining, did you?" She grinned, looking down the road to where the camper had disappeared. "Bet you he's gonna be real glad he's immortal. Especially after Tessa gets hold of him." "So, Tessa's dead?" "Oh, she's dead, all right. And she's pissed as hell." Natalie gestured toward where the camper had been. "Not that I blame her. You'd figure he'd at least wait until the body's cold before he starts hopping into the sack with every female guest star of the week. Boy, you ever do that to and I'll haunt you in every flashback you ever have, buddy." Nick paled, which was quite an achievement. "Uh, I wouldn't let anything happen to--" "Aw, get a clue, would you? It's only a matter of time. One serious lip-lock and I'm taking a dirt nap." Natalie frowned and tapped her foot against the pavement, muttering something about, 'damned double standards.' "Are you all right?" asked Nick, backing away from her. A moment later and she smiled at him. "Fine. Like I said, you got here just in time. Would you mind giving me a lift back to the office?" "Uh, sure." Nick headed toward the car. Once inside, he waited until she was buckled in, then asked, "Are you drunk?" "Drunk? Naw," she punched him lightly in the arm. "Just full of high spirits. Great groups of gals, there. Especially Suzanne--we had a lot in common, being doctors and all. She was a little spooked when she first saw me," Natalie admitted. "Said something about aliens." "Aliens." Nick shrugged and started the Caddy. "Yeah. Not like Micki." Natalie shook her head and rolled down the Caddy window. "Boy, has got problems! Showed me a picture of her old fiancee--he was the image of Roger. Geez!" She shuddered. "And then she invests two seasons in a leading man and he gets turned into a ten-year-old kid. What a waste! And most of the time you guys act like ten-year-olds to begin with--no offense." He glanced over at her, wide-eyed. "None taken--I think." With a sigh, Natalie leaned back in the seat. "And Lois. At least I know you're a vampire and you know that I know you're a vampire, so that makes it easy-- right?" Nick was just as glad she didn't give him a chance to answer, continuing with, "But she Clark Kent is Superman and she can't let on because it would destroy his little super-powered ego. Want to talk about frustration in a relationship!" Nick swallowed. "Clark Kent is Superman?" "Yeah." Natalie grinned at him. "But you didn't hear it from me." "Okay." She leaned over and squeezed his arm. "Boy, am I glad you showed up when you did. And I was gonna ask you something--remember how I was talking about you getting a pet? Maybe a fish?" "Yeah?" asked Nick suspiciously. "But I don't think any of the pet stores are open this late. I could get a goldfish tomorrow." "I was thinking about something a little bigger. Maybe we could swing by the aquarium." When he raised an eyebrow, she added, "Something a little larger. Like . . . a tuna." "A . . . tuna?" "Yeah." Natalie nodded, then looked out the window again. "Talking to the girls got me thinking. It's only a matter of time before LaCroix shows up again--" Nick cleared his throat. "LaCroix's ." "So's Tessa." When he stared at her, alarmed, she continued to look out the window. "A girl's gotta be prepared, you know. And Micki turned me on to some really information about vampires . . . ." Nick sighed, only half-listening, and began to long for the days of 'Starsky and Hutch' or 'Bonanza,' where the female leads usually lasted no longer than the second commercial. *** Regards SusanG2522@aol.com (And now you know why I stick to serious stuff most of the time.) =========================================================================