Date: Sun, 7 May 1995 17:15:47 +0100 Reply-To: Grail Sender: Highlander TV show stories From: Grail Subject: "Steele Blades" - Part 1 Here we have a none-too-serious crossover tale, planned at around four to five, possibly six, episodes (I haven't written it all yet). If you haven't seen "Remington Steele" before, why not? You don't know what you're missing. PS : Pierce Brosnan would be a great guest immortal. :) "Steele Blades" A Remington Steele/Highlander crossover by Grail (Mark Overton) Part 1 Historian's Note : This story takes place just after "Altared Steele" in season 2 of Remington Steele. It also explains why Steele and Laura managed to survive so many incidents during the series. :) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Teaser Sequence (in true Remington Steele style) -"Laura, this is an ordinary shop. Why drug and paralyse a woman, dress her as a bride, then leave her to stand as a mannequin in the shop?" -"Get away from her!" -"Open fire!" -"Laura, this is a morgue. We're in a morgue. That means we're dead. That we're walking around right now means we're contravening the laws of nature." -"I am Duncan Macleod of the Clan Macleod." -"What do you mean, we can't die?" -"All it takes is one stroke of the sword...then your head is mine." -"When we reach our hundredth birthdays....will you leave? What about our two hundredth? When are you going to grow tired of me?" -"There can be only one!" Title Sequence (cue nifty music) REMINGTON STEELE starring STEPHANIE ZIMBALIST and PIERCE BROSNAN Main Episode "STEELE BLADES" Special Guest Stars ADRIAN PAUL ALEXANDRA VANDERNOOT "How about this one?" Steele blinked tiredly. "I don't think so." With a sigh, Laura put the dress back on the rack. "Well then, Mr Steele, which one would you prefer?" He smiled at her with a slight hint of devilment breaking through the fatigue. "I don't think any of them will suit me, Miss Holt, do you?" "That's not what I was referring to and you know it," she sighed, moving onto the next rack of dresses. Steele adjusted his tie, gritted his teeth, and followed her with an expression of resigned agony. "You know, I've done all sorts of things before," he said wearily, "but I've never done anything quite as mentally draining as shopping." "Mmm," Laura said absently, rummaging amongst the clothing on display. "I mean, it's tortuously slow, painful, and - " "Hold this up a second, will you?" she requested, not listening. Steele grasped the dress thrust into his hands and held it up, doing his best to ignore the snickers from the other shoppers. "No, I don't like it," Laura frowned. "You can put it back, thanks." Hastily, Steele shoved it back into the racks. "And it damages human dignity," he muttered, finishing his previous sentence. "Absolutely," Laura agreed unhesitatingly, not paying the remotest bit of attention. She selected another dress and examined it critically, then shook her head and put it back on the rack. Catching sight of Steele's reflection in the mirror, she studied him thoughtfully. "You could do with a different blazer." Steele's hands fled to his blazer in self-defence. "What's wrong with it?" "Doesn't go with the tie. Change the tie or change the blazer." Moving past her, Steele studied himself in the mirror, adjusting his tie a little closer to his shirt collar. "Nothing wrong with this," he said defensively, pushing his hair back from his forehead. "You were the one who said we should look our best for this party," Laura retorted, picking out a black velvet dress and wondering whether she had the figure to wear it. She decided she probably did but it wasn't worth taking the risk, and put the dress back. "It's not a party, it's a gathering," Steele said, still looking at himself in the mirror wondering if Laura was right about the tie. "A formal business meeting of a few associates and friends that Remington Steele is pleased to attend. I got the invitation through the post." Laura appeared in the reflection by his shoulder. "Don't flatter yourself," she said caustically. "It was my Remington Steele they invited, not your interpretation of the part." Steele chuckled. "Ah, but that's where you're mistaken, Miss Holt. They said I'd been recommended to them after my skilful handling of the diamond smuggling route from Acapulco to the United States." Laura's eyes widened in anguish. "Again!" "Again?" Steele queried. "Again! Again you take all the credit!" She shoved a goldendress into his hands and made him hold it up for her perusal, as if in punishment. "I do all the hard work and you get all the rewards." "Laura, think of me!" Steele protested. "I have to attend all these parties, mingle with the glitterati of the city....my life is one giant public relations exercise. It never stops! All those women crawling around me, men wanting my autograph..." His mouth curved into a smile. "All those women..." "How terrible for you," she growled, turning and stalking away. "Anyway, who was it recommended you to these people after Acapulco?" Steele frowned. "The invitation didn't say. It was just insistent that we should act like normal guests and not admit our true identities." Laura nodded, accepting it without question. Several of their cases to date had involved rich clients anxious not to be seen using an agency like Remington Steele Investigations, so they had been forced to appear as ordinary people when discussing with their client. This looked like another similar case. "Oh well," she said resignedly, and picked up the black velvet dress again. "I've got a day to lose a couple of pounds, then I should manage this." "Done?" Steele asked hopefully. "Almost." His smile faded. "I need a pair of shoes now. This way." "AAAAH!" The scream startled both of them almost out of their wits, and Laura dropped the velvet dress on the floor of the store. As one, she and Steele rushed out of the women's clothing department to where an elderly outfitter was standing with an expression of the utmost horror, staring up at a female mannequin in a bridal dress. "What is it?" Laura demanded as she came to a stop. The old woman extended a trembling finger towards the mannequin. "That thing...its eyes moved! It's alive!" "Alive?" Steele queried. "I know they make them realistic these days, but they don't make them that realistic." "Mr Steele," Laura said quietly, stepping past him and examining the mannequin. She prodded the mannequin in one thigh; the thigh gave under her touch. Laura looked back at Steele. "This is a real woman." Steele blinked and surprise rushed across his face. He moved forward and looked up at the mannequin's face. The eyes were closed now but the woman was beautiful even so, ash-blonde hair framing a face carefully hidden by a chiffony white veil. Her hands clutched a flowery bouquet and the wedding dress itself was one of the more modern ones, reaching to her knees and revealing nicely-formed legs culminating in small feet, daintily shoed. "Why isn't she moving?" Steele wondered aloud. "She could be drugged." Laura stepped up onto the stand and lifted the veil from around the woman's face. She got the shock of her life when the eyes flicked open and stared at her. With a yelp of surprise, Laura flinched backwards and fell off the stand, caught and set back on her feet by Steele. "Thank you, Mr Steele," she said, regaining her composure. "My pleasure." Steele looked around the shop; people were beginning to gather around them, attracted by the fuss going on around the woman. "Laura, this is an ordinary shop. Why drug and paralyse a woman, dress her as a bride, then leave her to stand as a mannequin in the shop?" "Store, Mr Steele," Laura corrected absently, looking up at the woman. Her eyes were still open, darting from side to side in silent pleading. "Come on, help me. We'd better get her down." They climbed up on the stand and each took one side of the paralysed woman, lifting her off the stand with an effort and carefully lowering her to the floor of the shop. The elderly woman who had alerted them with her scream shivered as she saw the darting eyes and retreated back into the gathering crowd as Steele and Laura laid the woman on the floor. "Someone call 911," Laura directed, crouching over the woman and examining her pupils carefully. She raised her voice. "Blink if you can hear and understand me." The woman blinked once. "So she's conscious," Steele observed. "Just paralysed." "Yes," Laura nodded. She turned back to the woman. "Just lie still and try to relax. We're taking you to hospital." "Nobody move!" The rough harsh voice cut through the subdued atmosphere in the store like a knife. A young woman let out a muffled scream and ran towards the back of the store as the light from outside was cut off, the men looming large in Steele and Laura's vision. "Get away from her!" one of the men ordered. "She's paralysed!" Laura snapped. "She's ill, she can't - " The snik-click of a safety catch being snapped off sounded loud in the confined area of the store. Laura and Steele stared at the barrels of several submachineguns. "If I were you, Miss Holt, I'd step back a little," Steele murmured, smiling beatifically at the men and raising his hands as he retreated from the paralysed bride. Laura did the same thing, watching powerlessly as two of the gun-wielders shouldered their weapons and picked up the woman, one by the shoulders and the other by the feet. "Just stay still and nobody'll get hurt," the leader said. Like his companions, he wore a black sweater, black jeans, and a black balaclava over his head to obscure his identity. It had the disadvantage of making him look ridiculous, but then people like him were often more concerned with secrecy than style. He swung the submachinegun carefully round, covering the population of the store, as two of his men took the woman out into the main part of the big shopping mall. Beside him, two others were doing the same thing. "Well done, folks," he said chirpily as soon as the men carrying the woman were gone. "Catch you later." Gesturing to his attendants, he turned and ran from the store. There was a long moment of stunned silence. "Well, we've got twenty-four hours until that party," Laura said to Steele. His face held a resigned expression. "Somehow, Miss Holt, I thought you might say that." "Don't look so bothered." She nudged him. "We needed something to do. Besides, think of all the new women who'll ask for your autograph." Steele cleared his throat, adjusted his tie. "Well, I was always interested in doing my bit for truth, justice, and the American way." Laura grinned and sprinted out of the shop. They tore out of the shop and chased after the kidnappers. Easily visible, since they were dressed all in black amidst a crowd of colourful shoppers, they were also easily followed by the screams as the shoppers saw the submachineguns the kidnappers were carrying. Laura and Steele ran along the wake left by the rushing kidnappers and swiftly began to gain ground; the kidnappers were restricted by being unable to move quickly with the paralysed woman. They saw Laura and Steele chasing them and picked up speed, but gradually the gap began to narrow. The kidnappers reached the stairs and began to descend, one of them remaining at the top and cocking the submachinegun. Laura saw it first and dived behind a fruit stand, Steele following seconds later as the gunman let loose a hail of bullets on the store. Apples, bananas, oranges, pineapples, all exploded in a shower of fruit juice and fragments and chips of wood flew from the stand in all directions as the rattle of the gun echoed through the store. Screams from the surrounding shoppers grew louder and everyone threw themselves flat on the floor, mimicking Laura and Steele's action. The submachinegun clicked empty. Lying behind the fruit stand, covered in wood chips and fragments of fruit, her hair sticky with fruit juice, Laura looked at Steele. "Let's get him," she said. "Good idea," Steele nodded. They leapt to their feet and charged the gunman. He saw them coming and attempted to run but they were already on him. Laura jumped on him from behind and he fell to his knees, the gun skittering across the floor. Steele punched him on the chin and the man dropped. Laura looked at Steele in astonishment. "Aren't you going to complain that hurt?" "Not at all, Miss Holt. I have a fist of steel, if you'll excuse the pun." She blinked. "Fine. Let's get those others." Laura ran off down the stairs. Steele winced and held his injured hand for a moment, then gritted his teeth and followed. They reached the bottom of the stairs just in time to see the last of the gunmen step into a lift, the doors closing as Laura and Steele raced across to the stairs. Without stopping for a second they charged down them three at a time, down six flights of stairs only marginally slower than the lift. Emerging into the mall's underground car park, Laura and Steele found they were seconds ahead of the lift. Laura stood in front of the lift doors and waited. "Got them now," she said in satisfaction. Steele frowned. "Erm, Miss Holt, I don't wish to rain on your parade, but has it occurred to you these desperados are armed with submachineguns?" He brushed a piece of pineapple out of Laura's hair to prove his point. "Good point, Mr Steele," Laura said calmly, and she ducked behind a convenient Cadillac. Steele did the same just in time as the lift doors opened and the ugly snouts of two submachineguns poked out into the carpark warily. A moment later the first two men emerged carrying the bride, and then the other two behind them looking around warily. "If you see those two come down those stairs, shoot 'em," the leader of the men said to his companion, who nodded and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. The remaining three crossed to a large white van, parked close to the lift, and opened the rear doors, preparing to push the woman through. "Wait!" A man in a dark blue suit stepped around from the corner of the van, looking down at the woman thoughtfully. He smiled. "Perfect," he said in an English accent, looking down with a smile. "Did everything go smoothly?" "We lost Transom," the leader said. The man in the suit shrugged. "I'll take care of him later." A gloved hand caressed the paralysed woman's cheek. "The important thing is that I have Sarah here back once more." He took a deep breath. "Alright, load her in the van. We'll work out an antidote to the paralysing agent later." He looked across to the gunman guarding the stairs. "By the way, they're behind that Cadillac over there. I saw them come down in the van's rearview mirror." Laura looked at Steele. Steele looked at Laura. "Get up!" the gunman snarled, submachinegun levelled. Hands in the air, Laura and Steele stood up. "What d'you want done with them?" the leader of the kidnappers asked the man in the suit. He was staring at Laura and Steele thoughtfully, intrigued by them in some way. "I wonder...." the man murmured. Then he changed his mind. "No, I can't be bothered. Just shoot them. I'll deal with them later." The gunman turned back and lifted the submachinegun. "Laura," Steele said. "I - " "Open fire!" the leader ordered harshly. The submachinegun roared and bullets spat out of the barrel with deadly force. Laura and Steele were hurled back against the wall of the carpark, sliding down to the floor and leaving a trail of gory red blood behind them. =========================================================================