Date: Wed, 27 Sep 1995 15:22:45 +0100 Reply-To: Grail Sender: Highlander TV show stories From: Grail Subject: Amanda (Act One Scene One) ACT ONE ======================= Scene I. Main room of an inn. ======================= Enter Duncan Macleod, carrying a sword. Duncan : Ah, an inn at last, what blessed relief! For I may be immortal and deathless, Lest someone lop off mine head, But my feet do ache like I have walked for days. And what is this? There are no staff, None to provide me with ale, Or to soothe my poor feet, Or to see to the needs of my Companion, my dearest Amanda, Who hath followed me from London To this quiet part of Cornwall. I shall lay my sword here and seek Those who would help. Yet hold! What is this, This infernal buzzing, that do Enrage my ears? 'Tis the buzz of all buzzes, And no buzzing bee, but a buzz That doth buzz ferocious, and Say to me that another of my kind doth come. Enter Amanda, also carrying a sword. Amanda : Blessed Duncan, there thou art! I have walked far and my feet do ache, And at the end I feared I had lost thee, For as all the world knows, Woman cannot keep up with man. Duncan : I could dispute that, For I have known many women. Amanda : Aye, I believe ye, for we know That immortals are denied child, And may consequently roll in't hay From dusk till dawn. Duncan : Amanda, thou art a fiend! Thee swore thou wouldst Faithful remain, Yet I hear you talk of hay-rolling, When I know I have no Glorious straw in trousers mine, For remembrance of happy event. Amanda : And I have kept my Promise, Duncan dear, For I have I not followed you From London to Cornwall And made mine feet grievously Ache, just for thee? Duncan : I had thought thy promise to Faithful remain, Applied also to sex in't hay. Amanda : Thou graspest at straws. Duncan : Would that I could! Amanda : Hush now of hay and rolling, And roll instead along the path Of storytelling, That I may know why we are here. Duncan : I am right glad thee asketh me that, Amanda, for I wish to tell ye, And thus major plot points do Approach, with all due speed. Amanda : I await them with attention. Duncan : Know thee then, That we are in Cornwall, That part of Sassenach England Most south-westerly, To find an immortal known By the name Hawk, There to take his head And gain Quickening Most orgasmic. Amanda : There is but one immortal? When I wanted orgasms multiple? Duncan : Dost thou not have them already, When thou art bedded with me? I am now offended, For I do suspect thee of faking it. But enough of this, For we are immortal deathless folk, And must consider the evil Hawk. His name is known In America, the New World, Where Spaniards do colonise And kill many people with sharp spikes. Hawk is one such villain, And he hath killed many. Now he is in England, And I fear villainy once more. Amanda : How comest thou To know him, my sword-wielding friend? Duncan : Aye, and well thou may ask, For I did meet Hawk in my Earliest years, when I had been Deathless for naught but a Twelvemonth. 'Twas he who first I faced, With Connor Macleod at my side, And afeard I was too. Amanda : Didst thou lose the fight? Duncan : Had I not fallen into the firth, I fear I would have done so, But it were my fourth time in the firth, So thus the firth saved me, And I did run for it. Since then I have known, for many a year, That one day I must face Hawk, And now methinks that day is due, For now I have found him here I plan to battle to the death. Amanda : If thou art afeard, Duncan, I could fight him for thee. Duncan : Thou art a woman! Thee canst fight not for me, As well thou knowest. Amanda : Ah, the plague of woman! To be thus treated By chauvinist Scottish gits. There are times when I do wonder Why I stay by you. Duncan : For my sword skills. Amanda : Truly, Duncan, thy weapon is mighty, But take care that one of thy other weapons Is not cut off by sword o'mine. Duncan : I would argue with thee further, But hush, as I hear feet on floor. A stranger approaches, and we must hide Our swords, so as to appear weary Travellers, with feet aching, So that our visitor will not suspect Our cause and purpose. And remember our pretence too. Thou art my servant. Amanda : I'll remember, sir. Enter Innkeeper. Innkeeper : Good guests, greetings! I am Phillip, the keeper of this Humble place. May I know your desires? Amanda : I will say naught on that subject! Duncan : Quiet, servant mine. Good Innkeeper, my name is Duncan Macleod, And this my cheeky servant Amanda. Woman she may be, but she serves me well. We are both weary travellers, having Come far today. We desire a room. Innkeeper : Sire Macleod, no problem. Yet May I beg your indulgence and aid? It rains most heavy outside, and a coach Hath broken a wheel not far from here. I Seek kind folk who may aid me in Bringing it into the inn. Duncan : Indeed, we will help, for that is surely A worthy aim. Travellers must always Be rescued. Innkeeper : Sire Macleod, Amanda a servant may be, But for sure she should not do This man's work. Duncan : Aye, in that you are right. Amanda, remain here. Come, innkeeper. Exeunt Innkeeper and Duncan. Amanda : How I do detest this treatment! For it is the century seventeenth, The year sixty-six, And the Civil War is not long gone. London suffers plague, And I am more bothered still, For I have left a fire going at mine house In Pudding Lane, And I do fear what might happen. But I must forget London, For it is a city far away. Instead I am in rural Cornwall, Where men do patronise And Duncan will get Quickening Most orgasmic, while I sit in an inn And do yawn. But no! Such may be the fate of women Mortal, but I am hundreds of years Beyond Duncan, and I am determined To be proud and defiant. I shall leave and hunt for this immortal Hawk, And see if I can make the villain's head squawk. Exit. -- //=== ||==|| //\\ || || u4d41@keele.ac.uk OR ksc15@keele.ac.uk // ||__|| //__\\ || || \\__|| || \\ // \\ || ||=== ...nearly 20 but definitely in love... =========================================================================