Date: Tue, 20 Dec 1994 22:42:58 -0500 Reply-To: Hobert@AOL.COM Sender: Highlander TV show stories From: K Robnett Subject: A DAY AT THE BEACH, Part 2 of 4 The two Immortals entered the main room, the highly active nerve center of Baywatch headquarters. More lifeguards, in cute white T-shirts and red shorts scampered about, talking to each other. Following the two miraculously dressed male leads, Tessa and Richie looked around, taking in their new surroundings. Shiny but useless equipment glittered and beeped everywhere they turned. "Say, isn't that from Star Trek or something?" Richie asked, nudging Tessa while pointing to a bizarre machine in the corner. She spared it a glance, then ignored it, turning again to follow the two tightest butts in the episode. Mitch and Duncan were in the lieutenant's office, already discussing the object that brought Duncan here. Richie and Tessa stopped at the door, unable to enter the small space, what with all thirty-seven members of the film crew crammed in one end. "Some piece of work..." Mitch was saying, moving around his desk, leaving the Highlander on the other side. Duncan looked back at Tessa, sparing her a wink. "Yeah, a real work of art," he said, turning back, his words dripping like molasses off his tongue. "No, I meant the statue," Mitch countered, drawing a full size photograph from his desk drawer. It was hard to tell what it was, the dark mahogany of the statue matching the wood stain on the walls of the lifeguard's house. "Sorry, photography is not something that comes easy to me." "Like emoting? That's fine," Duncan replied, turning it over and looking at the back. "Try Kodak, next time." He was absorbed, trying to decide which end of the photo was up, when Tessa coughed discretely behind him. He turned, and found most of the male staff edging closer to his lady still in the white one-piece. She looked behind her again. "Duncan, do you think you could ask your new friend if there might be some place I could change? Into something more suitable." Her cheeks suddenly flushed from all the attention. "Suits me just FINE!" one of the extras yelled, jostling for position. His friends elbowed him back. More of the Frenchwoman's skin turned red, and not from one of Duncan's spankings. Richie just helplessly looked away, wondering where all the hot babes had disappeared to. Mitch hit his head, stunned he had forgotten Duncan's companions. "How stupid of me. Yes, Miss Noel. HEY, SHAWNEE!" he yelled, the sea of young bucks parting for a blond, busty, petite young lifeguard. "Could you show Tessa to the changing room downstairs?" he asked the perky newcomer. Her eyes lit up, her $50,000 smile igniting. "Sure!" she replied, taking the older artist by the hand. They had just started to leave when Richie, hormones flaring, stepped in their way. Just out of the camera shot, something else was flaring in his shorts. He eyed Shawnee up and down, giving thanks to her plastic surgeon and the costuming department. "Say, when you're done, how about you and me getting wet?" he asked, hoping for the same results as Duncan. Shawnee reared back, connecting with a punch to his jaw that had Richie flying into a group of lifeguards, breaking his fall. "I already have a short, imbecilic boyfriend that only wants one thing. Try some other bimbo," she exclaimed before leaving, angrily dragging the smirking Tessa behind her. Richie just clutched his jaw, the sympathetic murmurings from the other guys falling on his deaf ears. Mitch just shook his head. "EDDIE!" he yelled, then leaned in closer to MacLeod. "Is your redheaded friend always like that?" Duncan tried hard not to laugh, picturing all the lame stunts Richie had pulled in the last season. He failed. "All the time," he said through the guffaws. "I guess you have the same problem?" Mitch shook his head in agreement. "Shawnee's fiancee. And you're about to meet him." Plowing his way through the crowd, Eddie appeared. Soggy dark hair, angry frown, the 5'6" Philadelphian-turned-lifeguard bumped into Richie, sending him barreling into the crowd again. "Yeah?" he asked Mitch, crossing his arms in a defiant stance. Silence descended, some of the extras looking at one another. Duncan eyed Mitch, then turned to Richie. Eddie looked at his feet, picking at his shorts. "Uh," the young lifeguard finally said, resuming his stance, "what can I do for you, Mitch?" Mitch exhaled, rolling his eyes. "This is Richie," he said, pointing to the redhead struggling to get up. "Go show him a good time or something. And DON'T get into any trouble" Mitch ordered, wagging his finger at the pair. Duncan huddled with Richie, waiting for the camera to close on them before speaking. "Be careful," Duncan told him, wondering how dangerous a sun-and-surf drama could be. Especially for anyone who wasn't in the opening credits. Seeing Richie's frown, he added, "Lighten up! And don't do anything I wouldn't do." Richie rocked on his feet, trying to jam his hands in the pocketless shorts. "That's just it, Mac. Here I am surrounded by the most beautiful babes on TV, and I can't even keep a girlfriend for more than one episode. Let alone score." Duncan felt sorry for the young man, placing his arm around the redhead's shoulders and walking him toward the outside door where Eddie waited. "Look on the bright side, Richie. This isn't Highlander. Here, you're a GUEST STAR. There's a starlet out there just waiting for you." He waited for the words to register before propelling his charge to the door. "Don't lose your head..." Duncan urged, mentally finishing with {one can only hope...}, waving to the two sidekicks as the left. Seconds later, three ugly goons detached themselves from the shadows, following the short guys. Feeling someone grab his shoulder, Duncan refrained from throwing the person across the room while drawing his sword from his skin tight clothes. Instead, he turned his head, catching Mitch's concerned face in his peripheral vision. "Duncan, why did you tell him that?" the lifeguard asked. "He's not gonna get a girl. In fact, on page 57 of the script, he and Eddie..." "I know," Duncan cut in, clamping a free hand over Mitch's mouth, aware that there weren't any spoiler warnings. "But we can't let their hopes down, now can we? Why would they hang around?" Inwardly, he chuckled, aware of the countless times he had warned his friend to read ahead in the script. Passing by a waste basket on his way back to the office, he unobtrusively threw away the two blue sheets, marked 'SCRIPT - Richie' and '-57-, -58-.' * * * * * SPOILER WARNING * * * * * 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 15 16.3 33 1/3 (THE TOP OF PAGE -57- SAYS "WHEN EDDIE AND RICHIE COME TO, THEY FIND THEMSELVES TIED TO CHAIRS IN A CREEPY LOOKING ROOM . . .) Meanwhile, in another part of the set, Shawnee and Tessa descended the stairs, chatting animatedly. Ahead, the women's locker room to be exact, several high-pitched screams issued from behind a wooden door. Half naked girls, clutching towels, ran from the room, still wailing away. The other half were clothed in regulation lifeguard swimsuits. The two women waded through, reaching Girl #1 as the extras finished stampeding. "What's going on?" Shawnee asked, trying to calm the hysterical girl. "In th... there," Girl said, pointing behind her into the locker room. "A.. A man. Just standing in the shower. Wa... Watching us." Tessa understood, walking around the frightened girl into the room. "Joe..." she called, looking around the unfamiliar place. "What do you think you are doing? Hiding in a WOMEN's dressing room!" The Watcher grinned sheepishly from the tiled alcove. "It's one of the few saving graces about this job," he replied, finally ambling out of the showers with his cane. "Can I help it if MacLeod is always around beautiful women? What do you think I am, a monk?" "Dead is what you are going to be," Tessa warned, forcefully helping the cripple out of the room. Once he as gone, Tessa turned to Shawnee, who was digging around in her locker. "I'm sorry about that. He's part of the baggage we get to drag around. Can you believe he's even followed us into our bedroom?" "Don't be so hard on him," Shawnee replied, holding up a mysterious round object and a lighter. "It's really not his fault. One of the producers who isn't getting enough at home probably decided that we needed some flesh, and called the writers. We've learned to live with it. But we do get even..." As she spoke, the young lifeguard lit the fuse, tossing the round ball over the dividing wall to the guy's area. Then she grabbed Tessa's arm, leading her to the door. Tessa nodded understandingly. "If it's not a love scene with me naked, it's poor Duncan exercising with not very much on. Like today." They peered out into the hall, the rest of the women standing strategically along the corridor. From underneath the guy's locker room door, smoke poured forth. Yells soon joined it, as the door burst open and the guys fled out into the hall, similarly half dressed. The women hooted, making grabs for the scattered towels on dripping wet men. Eddie and Richie ran by, both soaked and covering themselves with small hand towels. Shawnee stuck out her foot, tripping her boyfriend, laughing as the short lifeguard went tumbling. By the time he had regained his feet, Shawnee had already turned her attention to his new friend. "So," she coyly asked Richie as she played with his towel. "Tessa tells me you're very good at helping poor, destitute young girls. I'm _very_ destitute..." The blond girl was getting desired effects from both the young men, Richie gulping nervously and Eddie storming up furiously. She glared when her boyfriend opened his mouth, resorting to a punch in his gut to keep him quiet. As the lifeguard went down, Richie disentangled himself from her playful fingers. "I think we... ah, need to get going," the redhead hastily apologized, grabbing Eddie and making a dash for the stairs. The women in the hall, Tessa included, broke out into gales of laughter. Shawnee led her charge back into the dressing room, conversing about the hang-ups females have on male-dominated TV shows. -------------------------------- An hour later, Eddie and Richie stood on the deck of Tower 69, Eddie's usual hangout. Both sported binoculars, raking their level gaze over the pounding surf. One monster wave rushed the coast, driving surfers that challenged it into the froth, crashing with a mighty roar as it approached the beach. "Check out the size of that one..." Eddie said, in awe. "Wow," was all Richie could reply. "Look at the one in yellow beside her, the one turning over," he continued, nudging the lifeguard. Eddie only gaped appreciatively. He always knew two sets of eyes were better than one. Out in the surf, three swimmers started yelling, waving their arms as the undertow dragged them down. It went unnoticed by the two young men, eagerly watching for some babe to take her top off. "So this is what you do all day," Richie finally said, his eyes too tired to focus. he thought, comparing it to his humdrum existence at the antique store. "Yep," Eddie replied, taking one last sweep of the crowd before setting his binoculars down. "Then at night, I usually fool around with Shawnee, or run around the house in tight shorts and hit things. Say, do you box?" Richie reviewed the limited fighting skills Duncan had shown him. "No. But I do a mean impression of a punching bag! Hey, do you like to break into houses and steal things?" Eddie shook his head no, slow enough to not mess up his hair. "I get into enough trouble around here without breaking the law. Besides, one of the regulars is a cop." The lifeguard broke into a smile as two gorgeous blonds walked by. Richie ventured a wave, not terribly disappointed when the two kept staring at Eddie, ignoring him. "I'm glad we don't have that problem. In fact, the cops don't last too long in Seacouver. Or Paris, for that matter." "They get killed?" Eddie asked, not seeing Richie's dejected look. "No, just disappear." Richie replied, trying to decide what Eddie had that he didn't. As his gaze traveled down Eddie, another thought popped into his head. Aware of the fact he hadn't used the bathroom in fifteen months, he wondered aloud. "What do you do if you gotta go?..." Eddie turned around. "That's easy," he said, reaching for the loud speaker. Flicking it on, the ear-splitting screech cutting through the surf, he yelled "SHARK!!!" The reaction was instantaneous. In two blinks, the beach was deserted. The only thing remaining was a blanket, left behind in the stampede. Tugging on Richie's arm, leading the stunned redhead down the tower ramp, the two made their way to the bathroom near the highway. By the time they returned, people were once more arriving, a few brave souls venturing into the water. "Works every time," Eddie said when they had returned to the tower. Neither saw the four beefy guys tailing them from the bathrooms. =========================================================================